Wednesday, May 28, 2008

America's Pastime

The top of the fifth inning had just gotten underway. The Portland Sea Dogs – the visiting team – were down by a run, but had something cooking. With only one out, they had runners on second and third – scoring position by anyone’s account. The home crowd was listless, but hoping that their team, the New Brunswick Scallywags, could hold onto this lead. The pitcher, Patrick “Gunner” Foster, was feeling the pressure. Having already surrendered twelve runs, Foster thanked his respective God that opposing pitcher Jove “Mad Dog” Matheus sucked just a little bit more than he. There were two strikes on the batter, Sea Dog cleanup hitter Mags “Mad Dawg” Johnston, and foster felt the heat of the crowd intensify rapidly. “Let’s Go Sea Dogs!” chanted a few daring visiting fans, their cries of support made all the more obvious through the otherwise silence of the crowd. “Let’s Go Sea Dogs!” the fans continued to chant. However, this woke up a few heretofore dormant New Brunswick fans, who combated with chants of “Let’s Go Scallywags!” The two chants were at meek battle with one another – “Let’s Go Sea Dogs!” “Let’s Go Scallywags!” fighting it out for loudest chant, or in this case, least quiet. The two chants began to overlap to the point where the mass of sound began to resemble something closer to “Let’s Go Seawags!” Indeed, that’s what the chanters began to think was being said. As more “fans” joined in, they chanted what they thought they heard – “Seawags”. The chant became more muddled as confusion built at an alarming pace. “Let’s Go Seawags” became “Let’s Go Scallydogs!” which became “Let’s Go Scallions!” and “Let’s Go Waggydogs” simultaneously, which morphed into “Let’s Go Scrappy Doo!” which somehow became “Let’s Go Skinimarinky-Dinky-Dink-Skinimarinky-Doo” which went back to “Let’s Go Scallions” for some reason, before finally settling on “Let’s Go Get Some KFC!”

This turned out to be a brilliant bit of unintentional marketing, as the crowd began to desperately crave some Kentucky Fried Chicken, and left the game.

The Scallions ended up winning, 18-16.

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