Most of America has a lousy case of the Pump Payin’ Blues, but the cure may be right under our collective noses. Each and every day, as we pass the pump, we groan in horrific agony at the $4-and-up prices our eyes can’t help but stare at in disbelief. On the other end of the spectrum, however, we are met with an everyday value that remains irresistible to any good natured American citizen. I’m referring of course to the Subway $5 footlong deal. Now, though a Subway footlong is currently more than a gallon of gas, there is no doubt in my mind that each time we see that price we think – “Say, that’s a damn fine deal – I’ll get me a meatball marinara though I just had spaghetti and cake.” Therefore, I believe the logical solution is to fill cars with five dollar Subway footlongs. While we’re at the pump, instead of thinking “God, I can’t believe this is costing me forty bucks for ten lousy gallons of gas”, we’ll be thinking “Wow, I can’t believe this is only costing me forty bucks for twenty delicious meatball marinara Subway footlongs!” They fill us up, why shouldn’t they fill our vehicles as well? The psychology alone would bring this country out of the summer doldrums and into a delicious state of contentment. Now of course, there are some skeptics who might not necessarily be keen on filling a car with sumptuous meatball sandwiches and others who would argue that there is no scientific way for a motor vehicle to run on sumptuous meatball sandwiches. However, those individuals have never known the true happiness that can be bought for a mere five dollars, and best be ignored lest they spoil our fun. As a bonus, your car may lose a few hundred pounds – along with the proper diet and exercise.