Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Two Injured During Nicolas Cage Stunt Filming = SO Not Worth It


Take a look above for a moment, if you will. For those of you who don't have that kind of time (if you're here...you do.), it appears as though two pedestrians were hurt during a stunt sequence being filmed in Times Square for the new Nicolas Cage film, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Now, it appears as though their injuries were not that serious, but either way gang, that just ain't worth it. I mean, if your way outta this world was due to the successful filming of a sequence for a Nicolas Cage movie, you should demand a refund from God. If you were a necessary sacrifice for National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, then you have a right to be pissed your whole afterlife. I'm giving you permission.

These poor people though, probably passed out in a hospital bed in Queens. They slowly start to regain consciousness, and everything's a bit foggy. Suddenly, they look up and in a foggy haze, they make out the empathetic face of Nicolas Cage.

Injured Guy (I.G.): Wha...where am I...wow, you're Nicolas Cage!

Nicolas Cage (N.C.): That's right, little partner! You feelin' alright?

I.G.: Yeah, my legs are pretty broke and I can't remember who my family is, but I feel great now that you're here!

N.C.: That's great to hear, son.

I.G.: What happened, Mr. Cage?

N.C.: Well son, you were collateral damage of an awesome stunt sequence for my next box office smash.

I.G.: Oh...really?

N.C.: ...Yes.

I.G.: So, my injuries could easily have been avoided?

N.C.: Probably. But then we'd have to do a second take...so thank you for that.

I.G.: Well, I don't have health insurance...are you guys gonna pay for this?

N.C.: No, but we'll put a Dedicated To...at the end of the credits.

I.G.: But I'm not dead!

N.C.: I didn't say it'd be for you. But hey, here's a free autographed copy of Ghost Rider on dvd. I know you can't get up, so I'll just go ahead and put it on your TV and press play. I've also got it set so that when it ends, it'll just start back over again!

I.G.: No, that's alright...

N.C.: And don't forget to catch The Sorcerer's Apprentice - in theaters this Christmas!

(he exits, Injured Guy pulls his own plug)

Did I mention The Sorcerer's Apprentice is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer?

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