Thursday, August 6, 2009

Unemployment...a farewell

The past five months have been a roller coaster. The search for a job in this economy can drive a man to do some crazy things, like send out gum in his resumes, attach nude photos, or use Courier New in his cover letter. However, I have finally landed a position which starts next week. While most of me is excited for this shiny new stage of life, a small morsel of me is feeling a twinge of sadness for days of unemployment past. So much time spent doing things I will lord-willing never have the luxury of the time to waste doing. If a poll was taken, I guarantee most dvd commentaries are watched during periods of unemployment. In fact, I'm pretty sure the concept was invented for it. (Why would anyone want to be thinking "Wonder if I'm ever going to make a living again", when they could be thinking "Oh wow, the guy in the background during the parking lot scene in Fight Club was actually the lighting guy's cousin!")

Sadly, tomorrow is my last day of unemployment for at least the next few months (barring any on-the-job curse-laden tirades), and I am determined to have the Most Unemployed Day of All Time. Yes, meticulous planning was involved. Yes, I used flow charts. Yes, Excel was used. Which I am proficient in.

Anyway, Michael Hadge's Most Unemployed Day Ever will include the following:

- waking up at 2 PM just in time to see the sunrise (on youtube)

- checking facebook

- making a hearty breakfast of cheese, sliced salami, and diet coke from the bottle

- checking Craigslist just to feel vindicated

- making the rounds on the internet, going off on several tangents related to monkeys riding segues

- going to the Post Office "just to hang out".

- checking facebook again to update my status

- no pants

- gchatting with all my friends who have jobs, and when they don't respond, typing more

- going to that one hot dog cart in midtown I've always been told is the best

- checking facebook to see if anyone "Like"d my status

- catching a matinee of Transformers 2

- rushing home to give a detailed review on the message boards

- debating jerks on the message boards

- calling parents to tell them I looked on craigslist

- alcohol and grilled cheese in that order

- checking friendster

- checking facebook

- flipping through roommates TiVo'd episodes of Oprah for any nudity

- rediscovering my love for the P-S section of the dictionary

- crying on the floor

- twittering about it all

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