Monday, June 1, 2009

IRS - I Really Suckatmath

So today, I had my first instance of my poor math skills resulting in something awesome. Alright, maybe they were not the direct cause of something awesome, but they did not result in a "C - You're terrible at this" mark from eight grade trig teacher Mr. Brook, which for math, is something of a first.

Let me explain...

So today, I receive two envelopes in the mail from the IRS. One of them is obviously my tax return, judging from the envelope. The other left me curious, as I could not imagine why the IRS would send me two things on the same day after going the whole year with nary a Christmas card. Anyway, I open this mystery letter to read the following...

Why We Are Sending You This Notice: We are writing to you because we made a change to your 2008 Federal Income Tax Return. We will explain why we made this change below.

Why We Made This Change: We computed your recovery rebate credit for you on Line 9 of Form 1040.

Now, I never claim to be a math wiz, or even a math guy-who's-decent-at-it, but numbers and myself have been natural born enemies since Sesame Street tried to teach me to count with that scary-ass singing orange. We go together like Susan Boyle and sanity (topical!). I am aware of this.

Unfortunately, the IRS obviously realizes this, as simple tax form calculations are not exactly long division. I find long division really hard. Therefore, they obviously looked at my form, had a good laugh at my easily-avoidable mistakes, and couldn't let the issue go. No, they needed to send out a separate form to remind me how bad I am at math. Really, the first draft of the form probably went like this...

Why We Are Sending You This Notice? Because you suck at math.

Why We Made The Change
- Because you apparently can't handle simple addition, Ace.

Sure, I got a larger refund check that, due to my own failed computations, was a pleasant surprise. However, 'tis bittersweet, because now the IRS just thinks I'm a dumbass. However, I'm writing them back to set the record straight.

Dear IRS,

I've always been more of a History/English guy.



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