Get Out (Something Other Than) The Vote

Tomorrow, our country will be determining how our next four (or eight [or twelve, if our government listens to my strongly worded letter]) years will be handled. John McCain or Barack Obama will be crowned king of democracy in mere hours, and the everyone of us is encouraged to get out there and vote. However, I will not be voting, and I encourage you to do the same. Ladies and gentlemen, over the past few years, I have learned first hand that your vote simply does not matter. Any suggestion of America getting to "choose" who wins any sort of election is merely fodder to make us feel important and sell Pepsi Cola products. I for one am putting my foot down.

What possible experience could have put me off from having my voice heard, you ask? A look at my voting track record of the past few years should clear up any confusion.

2005 (first year I was allowed to text)-

My vote: Bo Bice
The Winner: Karrie Underwood

2006-

My vote: Katharine McPhee
The Winner: Taylor Hicks

2007-

My vote: Blake Lewis
The Winner: Jordan Sparks

2008-

My vote: David Archeluta
The winner: David Cook

So excuse me if I'm a little discouraged. I encourage each and every one of you to follow my lead. There's no point to voting, so why kid yourself? Regardless of what Seacrest tells you, the only thing America's choosing is how to get punked. Because no matter how badly you want Clay to win, Rubin will always pull it out in the end.