Hip Hip....

Jorge Posada, Respected NY Yankees Catcher: "So, you just want me to point and smile?"

Executive: "You got it J.P., you're doing great!"

Jorge Posada, Respected NY Yankees Catcher: "What am I pointing at exactly?"

Executive: "Heyyy, don't worry about it."

Jorge Posada, Respected NY Yankees Catcher: "No really, what am I gonna be pointing at and thus endorsing?"

Executive: "Wha? Hmm? Sorry, I think I hear my phone ringing. RIIIIIINNNNG."

Jorge Posada, Respected NY Yankees Catcher: "Okay, that was clearly just you making that noise."

Executive: "Jorge, baby! I would never ask you to endorse something that would cheapen or embarrass your legacy, nay, the legacy of the entire New York Yankees organization!"

Jorge Posada, Respected NY Yankees Catcher: "Really? Well alright, that's good enough for me."

Executive: "Ready? Now look into the camera, smile, point...say 'I'm loving it!'"

Kickin Slumber

Man, I had the most rockin’ sleep. I started out by just like lying down, you know? Nothing too difficult. I was ridin’ that left side for awhile, lying on it like a fiend. Check this out though – my left arm was under my pillow right? So then, I take it and swing around to my side so I’m now flat on my stomach, just totally pillow-facing that bed. A move that’s fancier than it is practical for comfort, admittedly. Still, I got some major doze-age out of that, but my sleep buzz was starting to wear and tear. Time to bring in the big guns. I pulled my patented “beached dolphin” move, where I lie on my right side with my left arm hanging down away from my body. Effin’ sweet effin’ move. That may as well have been an express ticket to slumberville. The heat was gettin’ to me though, and the blanket quickly became like a major buzzkill. No prob though, pulled a reverse scissor-kick to get that sucker off the majority of my body. Nice, I was totally set. Not so – cuz then I started to cramp up in said position and had to revert back to start position, riding that left side again. This time though, it was fresh. Real fresh. Call me a letter hunter, cuz I was catching some major kickass Z’s. Bummer though, I was woken up by another dream about demon babies. Heroin is baaad for me.

The Not-As-Good Book

Facebook is getting old. Despite its efforts to stay hip, relevant, and phresh, the F-book is approaching Alta Vista-levels of internet banality. Nobody gets excited about it anymore, its just part of the internet – as much as checking e-mail, googling, and steamy midget-on-horse action. Nevertheless, it remains part of most of our internet rounds, along with checking e-mail, googling, and steamy midget-on-horse acti…er, ebay.

The Rise and Fall of the Book

Between 2003-05 is when most people joined The ‘Book, or when most colleges signed on. (Fordham joined in Fall ’04) Easy connections were made between actual friends that made MySpace look accurately irrelevant by comparison. For those of us already in college, it made all too much sense. You were being friended by several actual friends, and yes, some acquaintances thrown in, but even they you knew at least pretty well.

Time passed…

The strong initial influx of friend requests had given way to long quiet periods of being content with your 83 friends. That felt like a good number. Anything larger would just be ridiculous, right? This all changed with Stephen Waltman – the first questionable friend request you received. Sure, you guys went to the same middle school, but barely spoke to one another, if ever. Hey, what the hell, you accept the request. 84’s still a decent number.

Little did you know however that once this snowball got rolling, there was little that could stop it from becoming a large, cumbersome Pluto-sized orb of destruction. Yeah, that’s a sentence. More childhood acquaintances gained access to The Book, and requested your friendship, an action they never did in real life. However, now that they can see your favorite books, it’s a whole new ballgame. Still, whatever, you’re sitting at a cool 135 friends. You never thought you’d get into triple digits, but here we are.

More time passed…

Suddenly, now high schools have been given access to the Book. You’re getting friend requests from kids who were freshmen when you were a senior in high school. The number jumps to 205. This is getting nutty. You didn’t think you knew this many people, let along people with computers. Nevertheless, you don’t question it, and figure that’s just the way the internet wind’s a-blowin’. Can’t stop change from a-comin’.

The next day…

Everyone has access to the Book. You’re getting friend requests from pretty much anyone who has the internet. Standards rapidly drop for what constitutes Facebook Friendship. Seemingly, all it now takes for someone to feel entitled to your facebook friendship is knowing how to sort-of spell your name. The number is now at 450 and climbing…

The only friend requests you find yourself now receiving are…

Friends who just got Facebook – This is usually accompanied by a status message that claims “I finally gave in”, followed by ample wall postings stating “I knew you’d give in!” and “bout frikin time!” These people rarely show up on your news feed. Their hearts are simply not in it.

Old members of your graduating class you’ve never spoken to. Never the hot, popular ones though. You never get a friend request and go “Hey now, Brenda Lipski, I wonder if she’s single?” It’s always “Uh…it’s Brenda Lipski, I wonder if she went through with that pregnancy.”

People you met at a party last week - You rarely get much use out of this one. If you’re a girl, this is usually a guy taking an extremely passive approach to hitting on you.

Extended Relatives - Who taught Grandma how to use The Book? Cousin Ray, I’m looking in your direction. This one requires some profile and privacy setting adjustments.

Immediate Relatives - Your father wants to reconnect with some old college friends. And if you’re lucky, he’ll constantly comment on your status.

Friend’s Dogs – This isn’t cute or funny. Okay, it’s sort of cute.

People You Don’t Know – These are the people who take the term “social network” to the extreme. Profile picture is usually self-taken, either in a mirror or freehand.

Okay, I don’t feel like writing this anymore.

Underwhelming 100th Post!

Yes, it only took three years, but SunnySyde has reached it's 100th Post! Rather than create something extravagant and actually "quality", I have chosen to take the road traveled by many before me - the 100th episode clipshow. Sure, literary clip shows just aren't done, but that's just because I'm the first one to ever think of it, right?? So...let's take a look back at the last 100 posts, assembled with no rhyme or reason, shall we? Like you have a choice.


"Billy: What am I gonna do with all these turnips?
Old Prospector: Why dems turnips are evil I tells ya, they're built on an ancient Canadian Indian burial ground."

"Also, I’d like to apologize for my gratuitous judging-based-on-appearance, I swear I don’t commonly practice this practice. However, this night was different, and when you’re surrounded with “artsy free-thinking artsy artists”, they’re basically asking you to judge them by their appearance. To my credit, I was right every single time."

"- Your child’s skin, liver, or brain is infected by Gak™, which also goes by the name of Radon Glyciphonate III.
- Upon being 'slimed' your child goes blind.
- Your child selects a “physical challenge”, and it turns out to be 'Shave Mark Somer’s back'."

"'Every Sunday night, some local sandwiches ring my doorbell and run off. I blame society.'
- Miss Gertrude Biels, Tonton, Connecticut"

"-You have wisely chosen not to feed your giant origami swan, but unfortunately that results in Lucius unfolding from exhaustion and landing in the ocean as one giant sheet of construction paper. Fear not however, as a ship will be waiting for you wherever you land. The ship shall be called the S.S. Ess-Ess, and will be helmed by a half-man half-wheelchair named Toronto. Toronto shall feed you and keep you warm, occasionally boring you with his stories of life as a buoy hunter. Regardless, he will drop you off at the isle of Manhattan after about three weeks. Make sure he hasn’t stolen your ivory box – men of the sea are not to be trusted."

"Okay we didn’t do our research with that last one, sue us. Just kidding, you can’t! You don’t know our names! (One of us is named Marcus, but you don’t know which one!)"

"If Stella hadn’t gotten her groove back up to that point in the film, I imagine the airport scene was where she got her groove back. Pardon this viewer if he feels a bit cheated. As someone looking to get their own groove back, this film’s answer seems to be seduce a younger Jamaican man, get him to buy me a ton of stuff, have him propose, not give him an answer, then give him an answer in an airport without any discernable scene that explains my change of heart."

"Keeping your skin soft and healthy is also a top priority in Harbasham’s bathroom routine. “I strongly recommend honey glaze,” explains Harbasham. “If you reek of ham for the rest of the day, that’s just part of who you are girl!” Saying this made Harbasham crave some honey glaze, so we took the interview to the bathroom."

"Cindy Relf, was merely responding “K” to a message, a venture that in hindsight hardly seems worth it."

“Are the guitar players with sufficient years of experience in the crowd and who also brought their equipment to the show today which would be tough because of the tightness of security but either way get over it figure something out ready to rock?”

"The Trio carried on with what can be best described as “musical masturbation”, in fact that may have been the name of the song, as was anyone’s guess due to the poor PA. All that the crowd knew was that after the Trio riffed on a sloppier than hell free-form eight bar, Hadge launched into a spoons solo that was cute at first, but lost some momentum in the eighteenth or nineteenth minute. Literally, he just kept going, and the other two members could be seen getting cake across the room. After he finished the “song”, Hadge could be seen yelling profanities at the other members to put down their (blank)ing cake and get their (blank)s back on the stage. This did not go over well."

"Dear M+M,
Nope.
From,
The Skittle Dudes"

"Hats are not indie, but is the my poem about hats indie?"

"Some Fast and Furious: Kahuna Breeze"

ME: '...so...you have a name?'"

PARTY #2: 'Oh, I'm Tom/Phil/Dumbass/It Doesn't matter'"

"Nevertheless, like a “q” and a “u”, Jesse needed the Rippers, and the Rippers only too late, realized they needed Jesse; for they were perfect compliments to one another. Venturing out on their own, the Rippers, known then as Barry and the Rippers, quickly lost the interest of their fanbase."

"Why We Are Sending You This Notice? Because you suck at math.

Why We Made The Change - Because you apparently can't handle simple addition, Ace."

"0:28 -'Hey Johnny, you know what this picture really needs? Fat kid.'"

(Scene from Seinfeld where they discuss shrinkage)

It sure has been a long, pointless journey. I'd like to thank the 3 of you (including myself) who read this, and keep the online periodical (it's NOT a blog) going! Here's to 100 more...................!

SCAM ALERT: How to Identify a Scam

Two years ago, I was on the prowl for my first New York apartment. Naturally, I checked craigslist every day, content that if a listing made it to the Craig, it obviously must be legit. After all, people can't post lies on the internet, right? Nevertheless, this journey taught me everything I needed to know about how to identify a scam of any kind, but specifically of the real estatey nature.

First off, the posting itself. This indicated that a two-bedroom apartment was up for rent on Avenue A for a combined total of $750/month! Surely this was wildly inconsistent with other New York rent prices, but I could just have been the only one to see this and jump on it right? Ha, suckers who aren't me. Meanwhile, the picture attached to the listing was convincing enough...



I mean, how could he have taken that exterior photo of that anonymous building if he wasn't it's landlord? They just don't let you take photos of public property in New York! That just doesn't happen! And look at that building - it's CLEARLY actually on Avenue A. New York City! USA! Earth!

Needless to say, I quickly contacted my future landlord, expressing my extreme interest. I received the following prompt response. (This individual was going to be a delight to do business with!)

Hello,
I have the apartment available including ( square ft. 840), because I moved with my job in England/London and I need money to pay the rent here, that's the reason I want to rent it at this price and to find a good person for my apartment.I can rent you the apt for max.3 years because I have a contract here in England for this period. I`m the owner of the apt and it's like in the photo. The rent for 1 month is $ 750.You have all utilities (water, electricity, Internet, cable, parking, air conditioning, fireplace, dishwasher, garbage disposal, microwave, refrigerator, etc). You can move in the apt in the same day you receive the keys.The only problem is that I`m the only person who have the keys but I hope that we will find a compromise.For get the keys and the contract for the apartment i will use a escrow Company from England www.Rapid-Express-uk.net,
If you are able to make the transaction i need:
You name:
Address:
Zip code:
City:
Country:
After i will have this details i will go and start the transaction and when the transaction was started the Company will contact you with the invoice,tracking number,contract apartment,shipping and payment information, to check the transaction.
Once you have all this details from the Company i inform you must send to the Company a Small deposit($500usd).
After the transaction was closed you will send me the money per month in my account.This is what i can offer you if you really want to rent my apartment.
Thank you and waiting your email back,


Oh, he lives in London. Exotic! He's a man of the world, I like that. Sure, his English on such phrases as "after i will have this details" and "the only problem is that I'm the only person who have the keys" isn't the best. But he's not from America, after all. He's in England. Sure, I should probably take notice of that, but look at this great deal! $500 bones is a small price to pay for three solid years of bliss. And hey, the apartment was "like in the photo" (outside!).

I consulted Lizzy Munkenbeck, my future-roommate-at-the-time, and confirmed that we were squarely on board. I contacted my new friend to see when we could come check the place out. To that I received yet another prompt response...

Dear cliente,

I told you I moved with my job in England/London and I need money to pay the rent here,that's the reason I want to rent it at this price.I told you for our warranty i will use a shipping Company from here www.Rapid-Express-uk.net to send you the keys and what do you need.The transaction will take 1 days until you will get the keys contract and all you need to complete the transaction.After you will have all this and you will move in my apt you will pay me per month.If you are able to make the transaction i need:

You name:
Address:
Zip code:
City:
Country:
After i will have this details i will go and start the transaction and when the transaction was started the Company will contact you with the invoice,tracking number,contract apartment,shipping and payment information, to check the transaction.
Once you have all this details from the Company i inform you must send to the Company a Small deposit($500usd).

Thank you

Boy, this fella sure has a style, and is damn persistent. I can dig that - he's a tough-as-nails businessman, i.e. the kind that gets shit done. And sure, I'm fine with him referring to me as "cliente" - keep it professional. After all, we had only just met. And so what if he made the same grammatical and basic English mistakes a second consecutive time? We're all human! Plus, it's not like www.rapid-express-uk.net was the worst website I'd ever seen!

Still excited as ever, I sent the link to my mother, proudly proclaiming that her subletting son had found his future home. Minutes later, I got this e-mail back from her, which was quoted from another Craigslisting.

BEWARE OF SCAMS! I EMAILED SEVERAL DIFFERENT PEOPLE ASKING ABOUT THE RENT AMOUNT FOR SEVERAL APTS. BECAUSE THE PRICE WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE AND I FIGURED IT WAS A TYPO. I HAD READ
A WARNING ABOUT THIS SAME TYPE OF LISTING BEFORE BUT I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WAS IT UNTIL I GOT MY RESPONSE. AS SOON AS I READ IT, IT WAS OBVIOUS TO ME THAT THIS IS A NEW WAY FOR THEM TO MAKE MONEY, SO BEWARE. THIS IS THE REPLY I RECEIVED - Hello,
I have the apartment available including ( square ft. 840), because I moved with my job in England/London and I need money to pay the rent here, that's the reason I want to rent it at this price and to find a good person for my apartment.I can rent you the apt for max.3 years because I have a contract here in England for this period. I`m the owner of the apt and it's like in the photo. The rent for 1 month is $ 750.You have all utilities (water, electricity, Internet, cable, parking, air conditioning, fireplace, dishwasher, garbage disposal, microwave, refrigerator, etc). You can move in the apt in the same day you receive the keys.The only problem is that I`m the only person who have the keys but I hope that we will find a compromise.For get the keys and the contract for the apartment i will use a escrow Company from England www.Rapid-Express-uk.net,
If you are able to make the transaction i need:
You name:
Address:
Zip code:
City:
Country:
After i will have this details i will go and start the transaction and when the transaction was started the Company will contact you with the invoice,tracking number,contract apartment,shipping and payment information, to check the transaction.
Once you have all this details from the Company i inform you must send to the Company a Small deposit($500usd).
After the transaction was closed you will send me the money per month in my account.This is what i can offet you if you really want to rent my apartment.
Thank you and waiting your email back,
If you want more details from the Company here you the Email address : contact@rapid-express-uk.net
IF THE PRICE SOUNDS RIDICULOUSLY GOOD, THEN IT PROBABLY IS.


Really? This guy was just a fraud? That just don't add up! What about the picture?! What about the general address?! What about his elaborate backstory about working in London?! Not since I found out that Santa Claus was only real if you weren't Jewish had so much innocence been lost in such a short amount of time. The lesson was learned the hard way - through a simple internet search and an everlasting lack of integrity in the eyes of your mother.

Anyway, joke's on that guy - five-hundred bucks won't even WORK in London!