Saturday, June 14, 2008

Kickin' It Big: A Chat with Full-Figured Starlet Vicky Harbasham

From Teenie Beans Magazine

Hollywood is full of thin, toned bodies, and frankly it can get a little dull. Models, movie stars, and musicians are all presenting an image of emaciated, skinny bodies that can be near impossible to maintain. It sets an unrealistic standard for America’s youth, and gets the wrong message across. Luckily, there are a few in Beverly Hills who have burst through the mold and onto the scene with a more reasonable image.

Vicky Harbasham, 22, star of movie musical Dippity Doo, may not be as thin as the billboard models out there, but sister, don’t think she’s ever let it get her down. Indeed, Harbasham is the first in a new wave of full-figured starlets hoping to set the example for young girls all over America. “I was always self conscious about my body shape, but now I realize it’s just part of who I am! I can totally accept it!” Rock on, girlfriend!

A newcomer to the scene, Harbasham was an outcast in school until she discovered theater, where all the weird kids could go to alienate the rest of society. Since childhood, Vicky has always dreamed of being a Broadway star, but felt her unique body shape would prevent her from making it in the theater. “It did” states Harbasham.

Naturally, there have been plenty of full figured performers throughout the history of cinema; Queen Latifah, Kathy Bates, that woman in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, John Goodman. But with the release of Dippity Doo, which raked in a rockingly respectable twenty-three million dollars on opening weekend, Harbasham is giving a whole new meaning to big screen. She acts, she sings, and you’d never guess from her full-figured frame but “I’m a dancer! I step-touch with Doritos.”

But what’s her secret? We sat down with Harbasham at her Beverly Hills home-slash-cookie factory, to discuss how she approaches life as a full-figured superstar. “Well, the secret is to just stay healthy in your own way”, she begins, “exercise is very important. I try to work out every day, and I typically incorporate Nutella somehow.” Saying this gave the super starlet a craving for Nutella, so we took the interview to the kitchen.

“Every morning I get up to take a two mile walk. I wish it weren’t that long, but there isn’t a closer Taco Bell. I usually have my mom come and pick me up, as by that point I’m too full of toquitos.” Harbasham then goes on to mention sit ups, pushups, and yoga as words she enjoys saying. “People need to be happy with who they are! I could probably get on a track and run races with thin girls any day of the week.” This was untrue.

While making up a regimen of ways to stay active, Harbasham reminds us of an important fact: eating is an activity. A strict healthy diet keeps Harbasham fit and full-figured, but she believes its’ okay to bend the rules every once in a while.

Wanna eat fried chicken? Harbasham says go for it, girl! Of course, you must incorporate a nutritious diet and healthy lifestyle as well. “A balanced meal is tres importante!” she states. “Be sure to include whole grains, veggies, plenty of cheeses, copious bacon-based products, ribs, and ice cream cake in every meal!”

A healthy full figured lifestyle also means keeping up your hygiene, ladies! Harbasham reminds us to brush and floss twice a day, sighting Twizzlers as her favorite brand of floss. “Diet Coke makes a fantastic mouthwash, just make sure its diet, girlfriend!” While showering, remember to scrub your entire body three times to really get the dirt off from a long day of keeping it real.
"You’ll find that pork lard packs the tangy zing that normal bar soap simply lacks.”

Keeping your skin soft and healthy is also a top priority in Harbasham’s bathroom routine. “I strongly recommend honey glaze,” explains Harbasham. “If you reek of ham for the rest of the day, that’s just part of who you are girl!” Saying this made Harbasham crave some honey glaze, so we took the interview to the bathroom.

Though she’s a little against the grain, Harbasham thrives on her unique place in the world. After all, being full-figured is way different than being fat, way way different. “Different body shapes make the world go round, people just need to be happy the way they are!” Harbasham preaches, setting a fine example for young girls everywhere. Indeed, Harbasham’s full-figured star is one that is unlikely to stop shining anytime soon, and who knows what the future holds. (It turned out to be cake)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Gas Prices = Not a Gas

Most of America has a lousy case of the Pump Payin’ Blues, but the cure may be right under our collective noses. Each and every day, as we pass the pump, we groan in horrific agony at the $4-and-up prices our eyes can’t help but stare at in disbelief. On the other end of the spectrum, however, we are met with an everyday value that remains irresistible to any good natured American citizen. I’m referring of course to the Subway $5 footlong deal. Now, though a Subway footlong is currently more than a gallon of gas, there is no doubt in my mind that each time we see that price we think – “Say, that’s a damn fine deal – I’ll get me a meatball marinara though I just had spaghetti and cake.” Therefore, I believe the logical solution is to fill cars with five dollar Subway footlongs. While we’re at the pump, instead of thinking “God, I can’t believe this is costing me forty bucks for ten lousy gallons of gas”, we’ll be thinking “Wow, I can’t believe this is only costing me forty bucks for twenty delicious meatball marinara Subway footlongs!” They fill us up, why shouldn’t they fill our vehicles as well? The psychology alone would bring this country out of the summer doldrums and into a delicious state of contentment. Now of course, there are some skeptics who might not necessarily be keen on filling a car with sumptuous meatball sandwiches and others who would argue that there is no scientific way for a motor vehicle to run on sumptuous meatball sandwiches. However, those individuals have never known the true happiness that can be bought for a mere five dollars, and best be ignored lest they spoil our fun. As a bonus, your car may lose a few hundred pounds – along with the proper diet and exercise.